at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
