You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
