just tell him i said nine months
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
