I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
