I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
