It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
