I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
