i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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