dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
