I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
