my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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