I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
