ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
