hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
