used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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