She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need water and some morals
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
