i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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