The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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