How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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