At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
