I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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