yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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