nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
