I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
