wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
