i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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