the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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