And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
