: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
