You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
