I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
