I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
