who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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