Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
