I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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