I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
