If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
