I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
