is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
