so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
