He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
