the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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