everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
