I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
