he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
