I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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