he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
