quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
