i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
