He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
