I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
