Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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